May Focus: Still Not Winning—What’s Next?

For the past month, I’ve been deep in research on one of the Black scholars I write and lecture about: Christian Frederick Cole, for a new project I’m currently working on — details coming soon.

Cole’s story is remarkable.

He was the first Black student at Oxford. At the time, there was a very clear, almost

mechanical pathway into becoming a barrister:

• Attend Oxford or Cambridge — he attended University College, Oxford in 1873 ✔

• Study classics or law — he achieved an Honours degree in Classics ✔

• Enter the Inner Temple — first Black member of the Inner Temple ✔

• Pass the Bar examinations ✔

He did everything he was told to do.

Everything.

And yet—despite meeting every requirement, despite doing exactly what was asked of him—the success he had been promised did not arrive in the way it should have. The social contract was not honoured.

What struck me most is that 182 years later, the resonance is still there.

What do you do when you’ve done everything “right”… and still haven’t moved forward?

• your work is solid, but progression is slow.

• your contribution is visible, but not fully valued.

• systems benefit from your labour, but hesitate to reward your leadership.

The uncomfortable truth

I come from a background where the message was simple and relentless:

“You have to work ten times harder just to be seen as equal.”

It was repeated, reinforced, lived.

And like many women, I followed the playbook:

• qualifications

• experience

• over-delivery

• resilience

• staying late, pushing harder, proving again

I’ve seen this play out personally, most recently while delivering coaching work within a government organisation.

I had completed my Corporate and Executive Coaching Diploma. My manager at the time was also undertaking it.

I remember offering support with the qualification, only to be told she wasn’t going to complete it because she didn’t need to. She was already “coaching leaders”… and she was the boss.

Galling would be an understatement.

Here’s what I’ve learned from these experiences:

• Hard work alone doesn’t guarantee progress.

• Institutions and systems are not always designed to reward talent equally.

At some point, I realised that simply working harder within the rules was not enough. I had to redefine how I approach the game.

Five Strategies for Moving Forward When the Rules Aren’t Enough

1. Stop Waiting for Validation

External validation can quietly become a cage.

Degrees, titles, certifications—they matter. But they cannot be the only way you measure whether you are “enough”.

Because sometimes institutions are simply slow to recognise what doesn’t fit their usual shape of leadership.

So instead of waiting:

• build the platform

• launch the thing

• own your expertise

• speak with authority anyway

Define yourself clearly before other people define you too narrowly.

2. Build Power, Not Just Credentials

Many women are extremely qualified—and still not positioned.

We accumulate certificates, diplomas, experience… but not always visibility, leverage, or ownership.

Cole understood the rules. He followed them precisely.

But systems also reward proximity to power as much as merit.

So ask:

• Who actually knows my work?

• Who speaks my name when I’m not in the room?

• What am I building that I own—not just participate in?

Credentials open doors. Power keeps you in the room.

3. Pivot Without Seeing It as Failure

We need to stop treating change like defeat.

Sometimes:

• a stalled career becomes consultancy

• a blocked promotion becomes entrepreneurship

• a closed door becomes redirection

Pivoting is not inconsistency.

It is intelligence in motion.

4. Protect Your Confidence from Institutional Silence

This one matters more than people admit.

Because over time, systems can quietly teach you:

• to doubt yourself

• to shrink your voice

• to question your value

Not loudly. Just gradually.

Delayed recognition. Overlooked contributions. Being “good enough” but never quite advanced.

And if you’re not careful, you start internalising it.

Silence is not evidence of lack of value.

Sometimes it is simply evidence of limitation elsewhere.

5. Define Success for Yourself

This has been the most important shift for me.

Success is not only being accepted by systems that were never fully designed for everyone equally.

Success might look like:

• freedom

• ownership

• impact

• influence

• peace

• creativity

• building something that feels like yours

So the real question becomes:

Are you still chasing success by someone else’s definition?

Or have you started to define it for yourself?

Elevate Your Excellence 

Elevating Your Excellence is about unlocking what’s already within you and turning it into tangible, visible success.

This month's Elevate Your Excellence Focus: The Effort Trap

One of the biggest misconceptions I see when coaching high-achieving women is the believe :

If I just work harder, it will eventually pay off.

This month, I want you to audit your energy.

Ask yourself:

• What am I doing that only I can see?

• What am I doing that actually positions me?

• What is quietly valuable but publicly invisible?

Then ask:

How do I make my value more visible—without doing more?

So where does joy sit in all of this?

If you’ve been part of my coaching community or reading this newsletter for a while, you’ll know that a core part of my coaching philosophy is creating joy alongside ambition.

But here’s the harder question I keep returning to:

How do you create joy when you’ve worked relentlessly—and still not been recognised?

What do you do with:

• the frustration

• the exhaustion

• the quiet anger you don’t always say out loud

• the moments where you wonder if you are the problem

Over time, I’ve learned not to turn it inward and internalise it.

It’s not about pretending the frustration doesn’t exist.

It’s about refusing to let the frustration become your identity.

And I’ve also realised something else:

Joy cannot only exist at the finish line. It has to exist alongside the building too.

The £10 Joy Rule

Set aside one hour this month and give yourself permission to spend up to £10 on something that creates genuine joy. 

It could be:

• a bunch of fresh flowers

• a solo coffee and notebook hour

• visiting a gallery or exhibition

• a beautiful pen or book

• ingredients for a meal you genuinely enjoy cooking

Rest, beauty, and small moments of joy are not distractions from life—they are part of it.

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